Good morning.

Heh, its not really a good morning more like Boring wish i never woke up morning.

Gawd. Im soooooooooooooooooo bored lol. well ill write more later peace.

Hey Yall!

I got my color back but i guess i dont want it anymore, i dont want anything. Sorry im in sucha negative mood, Justin n me got into a fight, only this time ((it ended)). Ovah Stupid shit i dun even know wut he was on about,  he always thinks im cheating on him. But i guess all that dont matter no more. today was a shitty day in the very beginin, this makes it WAY worse. I try talkin to him n he blows up. Seriously, now hes dissin me. Fuck it. I give. Up.! Only thing I have Left thats keepin me alive is friends, i could use some more ya know! LoL thanks Astronoch for postin a comment on the last blog, it was good to see some feedback again. Im expecting to get some more. Lolz j/k im really not. Yall dont hafta post. I need this blog now more than ever though. I can finally say "Im alone" cuz i am. No one try to tell me differently or ill blow up in yo ass. Justin was my Kryptonite. Thats what its gonna say on my headstone when i die. "Justin was my Kryptonite". He'll prolly just Laugh. I guess I dont really blame him!. I'd Laugh if my g/f was a Low Life Drama queen too. Course i Dont think I qualify as his g/f anymore. He'll prolly be with someone else in a day or two, He always is. "Cut my Life Into Pieces This Is my Last Resort, Suffocation No Breathing Dont give a fuck if i cut my arm bleedin". Did they REALLY hafta play that song right now?? I guess they did, the radio people always seem to know when somethings gettin me down and they play the songs that cut deep. He's still got more ta say so im gonna listen to him i guess. Now he goes " so hows it gonna be" im confused as hell n go "hows what gonna be" he goes Ahh fuck it nvm!. bLaH!. Ok Well im gonna go, may have an Update Later. pEaCe!.

~*~People~*~

Hey Yall im writin in pink today cuz somethin went weird in my computer i can only only type in pink on EVERYTHING LMAO!!! it sucks!, I havent updated in here in awhile and i dont think ill be updated very often anymore, no one posts comments so why update? lol right now im just gettin my mind off things cuz theres nuthin better to do. Dont ya hate that!! when ya gots nuthin better to do?? and instead of havin a good time, your just wastin time?? I shure as hell do!. its like where tha hell is tha time g0in?? Woah! Im listenin to this song that i really hate, that justin dedicated to me. I hate it though lol. tis called she dont know shes beautiful. BLAH! haha. Anyway, school was boring as usual. Work tommorow, get out at 12 from school go to work till 5, yeah thats right i only work 5 hours on weekdays and 12 on weekends!. mooolah!! Wells, no ones gonna post any comments anyway so im outieh!

PEACEASY!!

hey people!

lmao i knows i should update more aint updated since, before thanksgiving, now its afta thanksgiving.Lmao my aunt cooked the turkey and it was soooooooooo dry holi shit, my uncle's like "hey ash lets order a pizza your aunt will NEVER know" haha! she was sittin right there too, wut a dumbass my uncle is! Im writing in BIG font today cuz i want it to look like i wrote A Lot!!, Lolz. So today right, I was in school hangin up ornamets on the giving tree i knocked the fuggin think over!! LMA()! it was so funny, but i guess ya had to be there. LOL people are complainin bout mine n justins attitude on yahoo! weve got reported for abuse 3 times in the last week. Lmfao. I guess we're just good at bein bad. Partnas in L0ve n CriMe. So this dude keeps threatnin us says hes gonna put a virus on our computers, talkin like a big man. And he totally screwed up his "macho man speech" by sayin when it comes to me yall run outta tha chat. Im like WE'RE STILL HERE YA DUMBASS!. Ahahaha. Welps with this big font i shudda written alot Lolz!, PEACEASY PEOPLES!.

»Hey All,

Havent written in this thing forever, ive been real busy with work, Hell no one posts when i write in here anymore. I dont care though it helps me get my mind off things. I got a Job at the bowling alley :D. Now im "Alley" cat Ash!  lmfao how corny huh? yeah. Workin' at the bowling alley is quite fun actually, Better than workin at Mcdonalds, I worked there along time ago and i got offered free food, But i was Like no thanks i know how its made, Its funny though i eat there a lot now. I still know how its made, i just dont think about it as much. Even when i worked there i said "burger kings better". My boss is realll cool, hes the kinda guy that Is an asshole if he dont like ya, but if youre on his good side, HE loves ya!!!. Me bein' an OREGONian and all, I of course bet my boss 150 dollas on the civil war game between University of Oregon and Oregon State. I bet on Oregon state, guess what, They won!, added on to my paycheck that came out to about 1450 dollers this week. Dayumm, moneys my friend. The other Day, I was Holdin a Piece of paper, I moved it, And got a paper cut, Well today i burned that  SAME finger, Lol golly gee ginkers, how fuckin unlucky! SO last nite i had to Dj another Middle school dance, And i entered the break dancin contest, I got 1st place too, the guys Love me Lol, But im taken 0f c0urse. JuStInZ tHa MaN :D, Ill get to skippin, Laters!«

‡Hola!,

Aint written for awhile, Heres whats been up. On thursday I Had Basketball practice so i just decided to stay with my friend cuz why go home to an empty house wen i could go home to a house filled with family. Anyway On Friday we were gonna go see the Grudge but my friends mom went out so we had to babysit, So yesterday we went to go see The Grudge, Everyone in the movie theater was screamin their heads off, I didnt think it was all that scary, It was worth tha money though, Saw was a better one though. Im sooo into scarrry movies. I wanna be in 0ne, thatd be tha shiz niz. heh, so today we went out for chinese and the Grudge takes place in china, so i took my food n left lol, freakiness. Anyway ill be g0in now. Peaceasy!±

”tunes: macy gray- I try Mood: b0red"

»Hey,

All you fine people. Today was a b0ring ass day. I havent updated this thing in awhile, How was you people's Halloween?, Mine was OK! Id give it a 4/10, it wasnt the best Halloween. As you can tell by my rating of it. Anyway Today at school i got Jammed packed with Homework so I Barely have anytime to write in this. I needa finish my TWO projects by tommorow. Im about ready to say fuck it and quit school. But i think im a lil' smarter than that. Don't get me wrong im not saying people who drop out of school are sorry ass losers, Because Justin Dropped out. And hes not. But anyway, election day tommorow, Its the first year i can vote HELL YEAH!, I voted for KErry, Im sorry for ya Bush Lovers out there, But Bush is fucked, seriously what has he done to Help our country? Ill tell you what hes done, Hes started a war, Killed a lot of soldiers, Made people Poor, I hate him, I got this Rock against bush Cd last year, it Kicks Ass!. Lol i dont wanna Lose ya People that read this over this stupid thing, so dont take any offense on this. Anyway gotta jet.

PeacEasy«

♥mood: fine  tunes: Everclear-Wonderful♥

Lines from tune--››I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
Say bad words that make me wanna cry

♥Hey,

Today was an Okie Doke Day! I tryed to Add some pizzazz to my blog :P so if ya think it sucks, Screw ya, lol just kiddin'. Me and Justin got in a fight last nite, a bigggggg fight, and we both said stuff we shouldn't of, but he apologized and actually cried, ive never seen him cry before, except for this one time, we thought one of our good friends died, but later on we found out it was a joke :x that made me hella pissed. Anyway, back to my story, I never seen him cry before, but the reason we were fightin was because i heard from one of my friends that he said, " I love the Kiki" n im like hold up, Kiki? im not kiki. And my friend says, "yea thats the sad part". So Justin came over and i blew up in his face, I had this pissed off expression on my face and he noticed and asked wut was up, and i said, "nothin' just dont understand why you arent with kiki right now", and he goes "your hardly ever around for me anyway, I feel like your nothin, Why the fuck would i be at kikis?" So i go, "i dunno cuz ya "love" her maybe, Look i give up do wutever tha fuck u want"  And Left, Anyway about an hour later he goes " im sorry :cry:" and i could tell he was, I didnt know what to do and im a sap wen it comes to Justin, so i gave in once again and we're still together. But right now, Hes workin' and will be gone till monday, and he says im never around for him!, Anyway, does my blog look better or worse? PLease say Better!, I dunno' if it actually looks better or not! Well ill be goin now PeacEasy!.♥

♠Mood: fine    & nbsp;  Tunes: Barenaked Ladies-0ne week♠

Lines from the Tune→ It's been one week since you looked at me
cocked your head to the side and said I'm angry.
Five days since you laughed at me
saying get that together come back and see me.
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt

moo!

haha hey yo' peeps. Ive got a question, How do you guys make your blogs look all coolish?, mines plain and boring. I want a Diff backround and stuff, do you gotta go pro or somethin'?! PLEAse Answer my question too, its important to me :P

alloooo!

how are ya peeps today?! Im grand0 8) thanks for askin. Oh yeah ya didnt ask. Anyway, Its been a borrrrrrrring day today. Not much went on, ahaha i got my report card, :roll: my highest grade was a C-! and it sucks cuz if i wanna graduate this year i gotta' keep my grades up :? the pressure's on. Oh! i forgot to tell you people the G()()d! news. Justins back :D wooT!. I couldn't be a happier person right now. Serrrrrrriously. Aren't yall just happy that im happy?, wells ya should be :P hahaha today someone asked for my pic, I don't like scannin pics wuts the use, I'm Ugly and Taken anyway. :lol: so anyhow, not much to right about. I think Im going to start writin my poems and stuff in here, guys wanna hear my first one i wrote for my friend that was in the hospital? k.. here goes...

Words Of Comfort:

until you are well be patient and wait for patience is a wonderful trait for most of lifes battles are won by looking byond the clouds to the sun.

Sad thoughts can trouble anyone who isnt feeling good you may start to think youll NEVER feel the way you should, if thats the case this wish is for a full return to health and a brighter state of mind that follows close behind.

Thank you thank you. tank you very much.

ill be goin now

toodles!

Howdy ho!

Hey im veryyyy small today :P Just cuz i wanna be, if you have trouble readin' this, either your too old to read or you just don't care. haha. Anyway, Right now im sittin here watchin' "The Hollow" omg i got so freaked out on this one part where the headless horseman killed this person. :shock: but yeah I freaked out watchin' the Halloween Sesame street too. LolZ. But wen elmo goes BOO! man ya betta watch out. I thought Itd be clever to make the topic of this Hallo Weenie because im sucha weenie wen i watch Halloween movies, Like Last nite i had nightmares about Halloween Resurection. Damn i still haven't seen justin and its been 5 days, hes supposedly on a huntin trip but i dont know, im beginin to worry. And i don't even Have to write in this thing anymore because yolanda died. I didnt tell you guys this yet. I felt somewhat responsible, and thats why people thought my knife incident wasnt an accident. But it soo was. Anyway i aint been on in a few days, and this is how my weekend went, on friday i dj'd a middle school dance, yep yep!, im the asst. Dj i dont rap or anything though i just play music, it sucks. But oh well. And yesterday I got my Halloween Costume. Shh dont tell anyone i still dress~up lol. yeah i am old but i still dress up n go to the parties, hell yea!. Heh i got a Pirate costume, Verrrrrrrry sexy!(just kiddin bout the sexy part nothins "sexy" on me) lol so anyway, Imma be goin now...

Bye n0w! (ho ho ho its a pirates Life for me).b()o!

Im currently listening to: Hungry like the wolf-Duran duran

m/RoCk on DuDem/

hi folks, or should i say Folk Astronoch seems to be the only one who reads this darn thing. thanks astro *hug*..anyway, todays beeen a shitty day =/. First Off, I got another damn C on a test :? Shit Im sucha dumbass its not even funny. Then I go for my meeting with Yolanda and i get a call, n she got in a terrible car accident, on the way to OUR meeting. n then i get a call, n I found out why Justins not been around. He's been in the fuckin hospital for OD'in on some shit, he almost died and i called earlier talked for like 2 mins den he hung up n didnt even say bye. :( And in school tommorow we're havin an assembly thing about this girl who died and her dad's the one thats gonna be talkin, guess wut she died off..OD'in =/. If Justin kills himself one of these days, i dunno how imma Live. cuz obviously hes NOT o.k and im not makin him any better. :cry: I just wish there was somethin i could do, I guess all i CAn do is pray that he's ok and Will be ok, I usually dont turn to God with my problems cuz i feel he made them happen so why would he make em stop?, but right now i really need him, n all the hope i can get. So i ask anyone who reads this, to pray for my Justin. Itd mean A Lot to me. Even though you people dont know him, He's one of the best people i kno, despite the shit hes done, but hey weve all done shit we regret right?. Right!.  I'm Listenin' to mine n Justins Song, n cryin like hell. =/ Ill prolly cry myself to sleep, n wake up n the mornin n still feel like shit. I wanna go up n hug him, n tell him everythings gonna be ok. But i cant, hes shuttin me out n his bad times, n it sucks. :cry: anyhow, Ill be goin now ~Bye~..**tHe GiRl WiTh a BroKeN sMIlE** †Me†

Hey,

today was an o.K day, When i got up i decided to clean the friggin house, cuz of the mess the dog left the other night wen i was Bowlin'. So After cleanin' the house, I took Bear(my dog) for a walk. We walked to the park and I saw Austyn(one of my exes) there with like 5 girls. Figs :roll: hes sucha chump. I know he saw me too but he didn't say anythin' he just gave me this look he used to give me when we were a couple. After the park i came home n played Tony Hawk's Underground 2 on the ps2. I got so bored of that though so i switched to grand theft Auto: vice city, but eventually that got boring too so i got on here, n asked around to see if by Any Chance Justin got on, i Haven't seen him in 3 days. I dunno' weather to worry or not, he'll prolly be back tommorowz. I hope :cry: I missez him. Anyway, right now im just sittin' here writin' this n listenin to music. I thought I'd post some funny messages that i've gotten today. Here goes...

*~*Me*~*: hi? 8997: Hey! I'm Looking for an Online B/f interested? *~*Me*~*: umm.. 8897: 17/m/fl *~*Me*~*: are you gay or somethin? 8897: :o no! *~*Me*~*: you put b/f? 8897: asl? *~*Me*~*: old enough/female/in a HouSe 8897: oh i meant g/f sorry *~*Me*~*: hmm yeah...RIGHT! 8897: im serious *~*Me*~*: im taken sorry..ok im not sorry but yeah 8897: you interested? *~*Me*~*: wtf? i just said iM taken you dumbass 8897: you so want me! *~*Me*~*: :roll:...

Lol people i swear are so annoying but after all that ive had my laughs im very down right now, im not sad or mad, im a lil inbetween. Not really depressed more like..Incomplete i guess. Maybe Ive just got the Blues. Who Knows.  anyway ill be goin now ~Pieces *me*

P.S! HAppy birthday Marshall a.k.a Eminem Mathers! 8) hes gettin old! lol but he still can get the job done (that sounds perverted) But yeah He can rap! although i aint really into rap. It still kicks the shizzle that he can rap so good. :D

Hey ya'll!-- dunno' wut to write really, I'm just sittin' here bein bored, I didnt have a counselors session today, it was Yolandas birthday so she didnt show up. Figures, she said she'd always be there, yeah until somethin important happens in her life, thats more important than my probz. lol yall r prolly readin' this n goin' OMG! what a fukin snob. that's not how it is, she gets me, she understands me, she helps me. I was Blind Before but wen she didnt show up today, i realized she is helpin me. So anyway, Last nite i stayed at my friends because at like 630 pm shes all are we still gonna highlight your hair? Im all you were serious about that? she said, "yes i already bought the stuff and it was on sale so i cant take it back". So i felt bad n let her do it. Ahahaha I feel like a skunk, i got Blonde highlights, and i have DARK brown hair. LOl oh well I couldnt care less what it looks like.Right now im sittin' here workin on homework, and Justin'z in a really weird mood, he's all sad n stuff n wont tell me why, thisll prolly turn into a fight, Like it always does :cry:  I hate fightin with him. I love him n i hate to see him mad at me. heres my next thought of the day, its a story of what happened. I was walkin home from the store the other day cuz i Live right by DaRiMaRt n' i thought i saw my "dad", but wen i looked back he wasnt there so i thought maybe it was my imagination but then i saw him again. And he comes up n goes "do i kno you?". n i go "dad?", he looked confused, but then i found out it wasnt my "dad" it was his brother(my uncle), they look alot alike, n i hadnt seen him for like 9 years. It was kinda creepy tho since my parents left, he didnt kno anything about that. Haha so this is how my day went, n if you people are interested ill give u the update on the justin situation later. Peace peoples!

Hey all you kind folkz who are takin' the time to read this, i have no idea what to  write, and its been a few days since iv'e writin', so for now ill just write this poem about child abuse cuz i think its' g0od, n ill write later how bad/good my day was. PeAcE oUt!

I Never Knew I never Knew how bad it was; I heard it did exist. I was appalled at this crime That robbed youth Of their "special" time. I never knew how bad it hurt; The bruises and scars aren't seen. And why somewhere along life's way, The brutality of abuse Has made you pay. I Never knew how you felt; Your Self-esteem so low. I only Knew you crept away, And never let your feelings show. I never knew what i could do; That I could help somehow. That all you needed was a friend; Just someone to be a pal. But now i know that i can Help; I can make a difference too. I'll stand with you Ill shout with you, And the rest cant say, I never Knew.

Ok i posted that becuz we're doin a thing in school on abuse!.

hey everyone thats reading this, well i had to get a new one cuz the xxjustinzfiancexx one aint right anymore :roll: and yeah my counselor said i should write in this thing everyday to get out wut im really feeling, imagine people care wut im feeling, so anyway alot of people already kno wut happened last nite so i wont even explain. Anyway wen my aunt finally got here last nite she made me some oat~meal cuz i sed thats wut Josh suggested, so wen it was done she just sat it on the table n sat down on the chair time passed n we didnt say much and then about 15 minutes later i dropped to my knees and she asked whats wrong n i said, "once, just once  I wish someone would say they love me n actually mean it", she said, "oh ashley" and hugged me, she hugged me for a long time too, till all my tears were gone or so she thought, after she left i cried more, i cried for my parents leaving, i cried for justin, n most of all i cried for myself, i was seriously feeling sorry for myself which is stupid, everyone keeps sayin "ash youll be fine, youre strong". naw im not strong anymore, i give up, ive been cryin more than i have in a long time, everyones lifes are so full of joy, mine is shitty. Always has been, im never going to be happy,the people i care about always leave wen i need em most, i need someone to stick by me, even if its just a friend, i need someone to promise me theyll never leave as long as i need em, I need all my friends right now but i want a friend thatll be there wen its all sed n done. Anyhow, today at the counselors meeting, it was an early one at 6:00 this mornin' (':shock:') geeshus, ahahaha, anyway this is how it went.. counselor yolanda: goodmorning Ashley me: its morning but its not a good one! but top of the mornin to ya counselor yolanda: how ya feeling? me: better than ever :roll: , no not good at all counselor yolanda: whats been happening? me: *tells story about the thing with Justin* counselor yolanda: i see i see me: *cries* y..e..a..h counselor yolanda: how do you feel about it? me: i feel numb, ive got no emotions im not sad, im not happy, or mad, i dont care right now if i live or die, seriously someone could shoot me n i wouldnt hurt more than i do right now counselor yolanda: im very sorry Ashley but youve got to stay strong! life has its ups and downs, unfortuneatly youre gettin all your downs at once, i cant do Anything to help you either, whatever you feel is what you feel i cant promise you youll feel better anytime soon, all i can do is be there for ya me: ok  counselor yolanda: *tells a story about her life* me: *feels sympathetic* counselor yolanda: see everyones life is messed up at some point me: yeah counselor yolanda: you know when we first started this i didnt like you at all i thought you were one of those hardknocks. me: heh i didnt like you either counselor yolanda: you got a diary? me: whats the point it dont help anything? counselor yolanda: it helps more than you think i want you to start keeping one, an online one would even work. me: ok!...thats pretty much how it went i left out some details to save you guys from dying of boredom, i tell perfect strangers more than i tell my counselor, somethings wrong with that (':?:') ...anyway right now i feel poopy i still feel numb, no emotion whatsoever!, beth actually helped me, she gave me faith, i need more people to do that, this is my closing now, there might be more late.. bye now!